I am unemployed again. Last time this happened, things got... dark, like the beginning of Apocalypse Now, but with less heroin. And more League of Legends. Last time I went off the work wagon it was sad, I was sad. I don’t mean in the frowny face and bad poetry kind of way (to be clear that was also true), but I mean specifically my writing and my body were just kinda pathetic.
This coffee shop -- located uncomfortably close to the Pulp editorial dungeon -- is where I will make my stand. With this weird little Chromebook as my shield, and a sword made out of this ravenous desire to be a better person, I will fight back against the shambling hordes of despondency.
Have you ever seen Girl Fight? It’s a boxing movie about a girl, who wants to fight. Clever title aside, it’s a really cool boxing movie. When the main character lady is starting out her training to be a boxer, her coach says that she needs to be able to run 3 miles, 3 times a week. This is goal number uno for me and my Tough Mudder training. 3 miles, 3 times a week. That doesn’t seem so hard, even for a lazy person. Unfortunately I’m about two and a half very lazy people, none of who enjoys running. Despite this I’m excited.
My bulk is sitting back at around 280. I’ve decided I should stop getting frustrated about my personal relationship with gravity as told to me by a scale. The only thing I’m learning is that a diet isn’t enough. This isn’t even a new thing, I’ve been told this since I started. It’s time to stop fretting over the scale, and start working on turning what I have into something awesome. If awesome weighs 280 pounds, so fucking be it.
I always feel slightly hypocritical when I talk about body positivity. To be honest, I have more issues with my own body than an over-privileged white girl, but nonetheless, I love shit like this. I appreciate and understand that I am not the target audience for this type of thing, and I don’t care. I’m impressed with anyone who’s able to love themselves while at the same time understanding that sometimes self-acceptance feels impossible.